I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is Oprah even human
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
