When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
