i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My cat gives me a boner
if only i could text you this smell
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
