she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
