True but thats because hes a fetus.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
