i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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