Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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