Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
