arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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