Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
