Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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