i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
