well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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