He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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