The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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