I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
