All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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