During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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