I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
