Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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