Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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