Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
