he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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