Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
