Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
