"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pappa wants mamma naked
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
