A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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