Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
