I wish my penis had an off switch
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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