I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
