Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
