ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
