This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
