Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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