but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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