Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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