He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
