he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
