Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
