is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm at about main and main street
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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