sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
