Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
