Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
