Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
