How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
