Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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