I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have feelings that need drinking.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
