Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
