I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
