I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
