can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
