I love black thongs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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