i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
