this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
