just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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