I wish I could teleport
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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