Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
